Episode 39: Dare to Lead Book Club [Part Five]: Curiosity & Grounded Confidence
Confidence is Key
Mastering the fundamental skills inspires grounded confidence. And that is everything.
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(The notes below are only a brief summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email request to: angie@angie-robinson.com. We’d be happy to provide that!)
This is episode five where we dive into the book: “Dare to Lead” by Brené Brown. I am sharing the things that stick out most to me and add my thoughts about those things. It is a one sided conversation - but I would love to hear from you! I would welcome your thoughts on comments about your experience with this great book!
This episode covers Part Five (Curiosity & Grounded Confidence)
Section Five
Grounded Confidence
Let’s start by looking at how Brené Brown defines grounded confidence:
“Grounded confidence is the messy process of learning and unlearning, practicing and failing, and surviving a few misses. This brand of confidence is not blustery arrogance or posturing or built on bullshit; it’s real, solid, and built on self-awareness and practice. Once we witness how courage can transform the way we lead, we can trade the heavy, suffocating armor that keeps us small for grounded confidence that lifts us up and supports our efforts to be brave.”
She points out that it’s not that we can just rip off our armor - as it is a self-protecting mechanism. Most of us armor up early in our lives because we needed to. Typically to protect us from being hurt or disappointed and/or from feeling invisible or unloved. Some people had to (or have to) self-protect to stay physically or emotionally safe – especially when raised in unsafe environments and/or confronted with things like racism, sexism, etc.
As Brené says – “understanding rumbling with vulnerability as the fundamental skill of daring leadership is absolutely essential.” Vulnerability is needed for courage-building. It is what leads to living into your values and building trust. Spending time on the fundamental skill building is what gets you to being most effective and generating the results you want.
She says: “in tough conversations, hard meetings, and emotionally charged decision making, leaders need the grounded confidence to stay tethered to their values, respond rather than react emotionally, and operate from self-awareness, not self-protection. Having the rumbling skills to hold the tension and discomfort allows us to give care and attention to others, stay open and curious, and meet the challenges.”
Building these rumbling skills is not easy. Building most skills proficiently is not easy. But we all know – as much as we probably don’t like it, that: “easy learning doesn’t build strong skills.”
On page 170 of the book, she shares an excerpt of an article in Fast Company magazine written by David Rock and Mary Slaughter with the NeuroLeadership Institute. The article talks about how organizations are now designing learning to be as easy as possible. The problem is that this quick, digestible way of learning doesn’t actually instill lasting learning. They say that: “the key here is desirable difficulty. The same way you feel a muscle “burn” when it’s being strengthened, the brain needs to feel some discomfort when it’s learning. Your mind might hurt for a while – but that’s a good thing.” I couldn’t agree more!
Learning how to rumble with vulnerability is work….. and it never becomes easier. But like with anything – practice creates evidence of your ability – and curiosity will always keep you going.
Brené shares this formula: Grounded Confidence = Rumble Skills + Curiosity + Practice
Curiosity
If you’ve listened to me for a while – you will know that I believe curiosity is one of the fundamental skills as well [hear more in Episode 13: The Magic of Curiosity in Leadership]
Curiosity is a part of everything. Brene says that “curiosity is an act of vulnerability and courage.” It helps cultivate creativity, improved learning and memory, problem solving and more. But there are lots of reasons curiosity is avoided, including the thought that curiosity is uncomfortable because it involves uncertainty and vulnerability.
It’s almost like more questions we ask – the longer it takes for a solution – the more uncertainty there is! But it also helps us get to the root. It helps us connect more with us. It helps drive higher trust.
The book lists some simple starter statements and questions to open the door to curiosity (on pages 172 and 173. I will share them with you here:
The story I make up…. (The story I’m telling myself is…to self or to other)
I’m curious about…
Tell me more.
That’s not my experience (instead of “you’re wrong…)
I’m wondering…
Help me understand…
Walk me through…
We’re both dug in. Tell me about your passion around this.
Tell me why this doesn’t fit/work for you.
I’m working from these assumptions - what about you?
What problem are we trying to solve?
From the Read-Along Workbook
Here are a few of the questions for reflection from the read-along workbook that Brené Brown provides on her website. Take some time to think about them for yourself!
Revisit the rumble starters (pages 171-174 of Dare to Lead and listed above). Practice with a colleague – using a hard conversation you’ve had or planning to have.
Which of these feel natural and organic to the way you lean into hard conversations?
Do you have any good curiosity cues or starts that you’ve found effective in tough conversations?
What do you think?
Are you grounded in your confidence with the skills of vulnerability and courage?
Do you actively practice curiosity in your leadership?
Links / References
2010 TED Talk: Brene Brown - The Power of Vulnerability
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