Episode 37: Dare to Lead Book Club [Part Three]: Armor
Goodbye Armor
Armor holds us back.
Let’s not reward it. Let’s shed it.
Enjoy!
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(The notes below are only a brief summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email request to: angie@angie-robinson.com. We’d be happy to provide that!)
This is episode three where we dive into the book: “Dare to Lead” by Brené Brown. I am sharing the things that stick out most to me and add my thoughts about those things. It is a one sided conversation - but I would love to hear from you! I would welcome your thoughts on comments about your experience with this great book!
This episode covers Part One (Rumbling with Vulnerability), Section Three (The Armory)
It’s all about armored leadership vs. daring leadership.
Section Three
“Courage is contagious. To scale daring leadership and build courage in teams and organizations, we have to cultivate a culture in which brave work, tough conversations, and whole hearts are the expectation, and armor is not necessary or rewarded.” - Brené Brown
Brené talks a lot about wholeheartedness in her books. In her book, “The Gifts of Imperfection” - she defines it as “engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.”
She says that “rather than protecting and hiding our heart behind bullet-proof glass, wholeheartedness is about integrations. Integrating our thinking, feeling and behavior. It’s putting down the armor and bringing forth the whole person – messiness and all.” Refer to Episode 8: All of You to hear more about bringing your whole self to work.
Things like perfectionism, compartmentalizing of our work life and personal life, avoiding the tough and awkward conversations and saying that ‘getting curious’ takes too much time - - these are all ways of rewarding armor.
She talks about how the ego (which we all have) is an ‘eager and willing conspirator when it comes to locking away the heart.’. It’s that voice in the head that drives pretending, performing, pleasing and perfecting. It craves acceptance and approval. It isn’t interested in wholeheartedness – it’s interested in self-protection and admiration.
In the book (pages 76 & 77), Brené provides a table the highlights 16 examples of armored leadership along with the daring response to each. I encourage you to read this section of the book, as I don’t go through all 16 in the episode. I do, however, talk through a few that stood out most to me:
#1 Armored Leadership: Driving Perfectionism and Fostering Fear of Failure
#1 Daring Leadership: Modeling and Encouraging Healthy Striving, Empathy and Self-Compassion
#5 Armored Leadership: Being a Knower and Being Right
#5 Daring Leadership: Being a Learner and Getting it Right
#8 Armored Leadership: Using Power Over
#8 Daring Leadership: Using Power with, Power To, and Power Within
#9 Armored Leadership: Hustling for Your Worth
#9 Daring Leadership: Knowing Your Value
#12 Armored Leadership: Rewarding Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Attaching Productivity to Self-Worth
#12 Daring Leadership: Modeling and Supporting Rest, Play and Recovery
#13 Armored Leadership: Tolerating Discrimination, Echo Chambers and “Fitting-in” Culture
#13 Daring Leadership: Cultivating a Culture of Belonging, Inclusivity and Diverse Perspectives
#15 Armored Leadership: Zigzagging and Avoiding
#15 Daring Leadership: Talking Straight and Taking Action
As we wrap up this part of the book – I think we should be clear that the fear of vulnerability is centered around the fear of being judged or misunderstood, of making a mistake, being wrong and experiencing shame is universal. People are people are people.
Questions from the Read-Along Workbook:
If you really want to dig into this for yourself and/or your team – here is an exercise from the Read Along Workbook:
Review the 16 elements and rate yourself (or your team’s) culture on the spectrum of armored leadership to daring leadership.
Decide on the two most daring and the two most armored behaviors you (or your team) displays.
Dig into the cultural norms influencing these behaviors. For example – what are the rewards for daring versus armored leadership?
One is one commitment that you ( or everyone shared) can make to create a more daring leadership culture?
What do you think?
How daring are you in your leadership?
How can you help dismantle armored leadership?
Links / References
2010 TED Talk: Brene Brown - The Power of Vulnerability
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