EP95: Leadership Can Be Lonely
IT’S LONELY AT THE TOP…
It’s the 50/50 of leadership and life…and it’s okay!
Enjoy!
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(The notes below are only a brief summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email request to: angie@angie-robinson.com. We’d be happy to provide that!)
I was recently talking to someone about my own leadership story and how my experience in human resources leadership roles has impacted how I show up. We were talking about how I believe that because of the combination of my personality style and my role in HR - I developed a protective layer when it comes to sharing about myself. The person I was talking to said: “It makes sense, leadership can be lonely." It made me stop and think... is that true? Can leadership be lonely? Are the people I’m working with experiencing this?
As I thought about it – I realized that yes, leadership can be lonely. AND – it doesn’t have to be! Just like most things – perspective is everything. When I say that – I’m not suggesting you just look through rose colored glasses at everything and everything will be sunshine and daisies. That’s never my message.
My intent is simply to acknowledge that this can be real – and that, in fact, if you experience some loneliness in leadership or as an entrepreneur - you aren’t alone!
What Is “Lonely”?
There is a difference between ‘alone’ and ‘lonely’.
Being “alone” is a physical state where you are physically by yourself.
Being “lonely” is an emotional state where you are feeling alone or disconnected from others – even when they're right next to you.
Sometimes we are happy to be by ourselves (physically alone) and not experience loneliness. And sometimes we can be in the physical presence of others and feel a sense of loneliness.
That is going to look very different for everyone based on our different personality preferences and experiences.
Loneliness can show up in a variety of life situations. For example:
you can be in a relationship with someone – and feel lonely when there isn’t connection (they don’t get me, they don’t listen to me, we aren’t on the same page, they don’t seem to care….)
your employees can feel loneliness at work – regardless of team size or location of work.
Connection is a basic human need. The lack of it can result in lots of unhelpful things – including a sense of loneliness.
Why Leadership Can Be Lonely
You may have heard that adage “It’s lonely at the top” – which references the isolation that can come to the highest rank in an organization. One group that research shows feels lonely more than others ire individual contributors that have been promoted to a leadership position. I would also say that entrepreneurs / solopreneurs can experience this if they have left a role in an organization where they had co-workers, company events, and/or led a team.
Here are several reasons that leadership can be lonely:
Leaders have the burden of responsibilities – especially in decision-making or knowledge of company happenings. Leaders often carry the responsibility of making critical decisions that can have a significant impact on their organization or team. This can be a heavy burden, as they must weigh various factors and consider the potential consequences of their choices. The isolation arises from the fact that the final decision rests on their shoulders, and they may not have peers or colleagues to share this burden with. Or they may know things that are going on but they can’t share it with anyone.
In many leadership positions, there are fewer peers who can relate to the challenges and pressures of the role. As a result, leaders may have fewer individuals they can confide in or seek advice from, leading to feelings of isolation.
Leaders often need to maintain a certain level of professional distance from their team members to make impartial decisions and maintain their leadership ‘positioning’. This distance can lead to a sense of isolation, as it can be challenging to form close personal relationships within the team.
In some cases, leaders may feel that they cannot fully trust their colleagues or team members with their concerns or vulnerabilities. This can make them hesitant to open up and share their thoughts and feelings, contributing to their sense of loneliness.
Leadership positions often come with high expectations, both from within the organization and from external stakeholders. The pressure to perform and meet these expectations can lead to stress and a feeling of being on an island with no one to turn to for support.
Leaders are ultimately responsible for the outcomes and results of their decisions and actions. If things go wrong, they may feel isolated as they shoulder the blame and consequences.
Honest and constructive feedback can be scarce for leaders, as subordinates may be hesitant to provide critical feedback, and peers may be cautious about openly sharing their perspectives. And, unfortunately – I’ve often seen that that ‘second’ or ‘third’ layer of leaders don’t get as much feedback from the top executives. This lack of feedback can make leaders feel isolated from the perspectives of others. Entrepreneurs may not get feedback from anyone!
Leadership often requires personal sacrifices, including long hours, high stress, and the need to put the needs of the organization or team ahead of personal interests. These sacrifices can lead to feelings of isolation from friends and family who may not fully understand the demands of the role.
When I really thought about it – loneliness in leadership really can be a significant thing - and it shouldn’t be ignored! It's important for leaders to recognize and address these feelings of loneliness.
Addressing Loneliness in Leadership
Here are a few things you can do when facing loneliness in leadership:
Acknowledge it. Don’t think you need to be a superhero! You are human, therefore you have feelings – leadership role or not. When we don’t acknowledge and process our feelings – we will typically do one of three things: resist, react or avoid/ignore. Those things usually aren’t helpful.
Know that you’re not alone in your loneliness.
Seek out mentors or peer networks.
Practice self-care.
Create an open and supportive work environment that encourages communication and feedback.
Engage with a coach who can help you develop the emotional intelligence and coping skills needed to navigate the challenges of leadership.
What do you think?
Have you experienced loneliness in your leadership? How have you addressed it?
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