EP77: What You Think About Yourself Matters
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
About who you are…about your own capabilities….about the role you hold?? If you aren’t clear, others likely aren’t either.
Enjoy!
Listen Here:
(The notes below are only a brief summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email request to: angie@angie-robinson.com. We’d be happy to provide that!)
In my coaching (and personal) conversations, I often hear people use some version of this phrase: “I don’t see myself as…”. It might be filled in with things like:
a leader
a CEO
a person who can share my ideas
a person who can veer off the ‘expected’ path
a confident person
Sometimes it might sound a little different - more like: “others don’t see me as a leader” or “others don’t want to hear my ideas" or “others think I should take this path”….
Often times – when we try to get in the heads of other people and make assumptions of what they are thinking in – it’s simply a mirror of what we are actually thinking ourselves.
Here is what I want to call out: The way you think of yourself is how your team, clients, peers will think of you. If you don’t see yourself as a leader, how will others? If you don’t see yourself as a CEO, how will others? If you’re not confident in yourself, how can others be? If you don’t trust yourself, how can others? If you don’t create boundaries for yourself, how can others?
I’ve spent time on my own similar statements. One that I’ve worked on over the years is this: “I’m not an expert.” Even though I’ve had a ton of experience and knowledge and education – I had a hard time seeing myself as an expert in my work.
Now let me show you why this is important. There are two layers to this. Let’s start with the ‘top’ layer. I’m referencing how our thoughts – what we think about ourselves – shows up in our results. You may have heard me talk about the Model before (which I learned from The Life Coach School). Reference these two episodes to hear more:
The Model is this:
C = the circumstance (facts of the situation) generates our…
T = thoughts, which creates our…
F = feelings, which drives our…
A = actions or inactions, which leads to our…
R = results
When I would think “I’m not an expert” – that would generate a feeling of incompetence. From that feeling – I wouldn’t share my thoughts as strongly or use my voice when I wanted to – especially when others were speaking up. I didn’t elevate myself into a position of speaking at events. The result was that I did not creation conditions where others would think I’m an expert. See how that is - - if I didn’t see myself as an expert – how could others?
Let’s look at the second layer of example.
It is helpful to dissect the unhelpful, limiting thought just a bit more - - just to see if there is anything else below it – so you can address the actual root. If you just ask ‘why’ you don’t see yourself in this way – and really answer it without judgement or censoring – it might reveal more. In my example – when I asked why I didn’t see myself as an expert – it didn’t have anything to do with me not having enough knowledge or experience. It was more about me not wanting to appear egotistical, like a know-it-all. And wanting others to shine – not me. I made ‘being an expert’ mean something about me (but not others!). It would mean I was taking attention from others. Sounds really noble, right? But it wasn’t – because it didn’t feel good. And it contributed to me actually playing small and not sharing my expertise fully with others.
Here is another common example:
“I don’t see myself as a leader” – might generate that same feeling of incompetence. It’s the same thing – the actions or inactions from that feeling might be things like not stepping up or in when needed, not making decisions, not creating a vision, letting others influence the team instead of you, not confidently using your voice. The result is not creating the conditions for others to see you as a leader.
Isn’t it good to know these things? Because you can then be intentional about what you want to do differently and what thoughts you want to believe to create different results.
If you choose thoughts like “I am a leader” – even if you don’t believe it yet – it might generate a feeling of competence or confidence - which will create better aligned actions and results.
Now What?
There are some things you can do if you find yourself in this situation.
Really uncover your current beliefs about yourself. Be honest about how do you see or not see yourself. What results are you getting based on those thoughts / beliefs?
Tap into the future version of you. The leader that you envision yourself to be. The person who shows up confidently. How are people are responding to that version of you? What are your behaviors and actions?. What feelings might you be feeling? And what belief is that version of you believing? How can you become that person now?
If you want to be seen as a leader – you need to do leader things. If you want to be seen as a CEO or business owner – you need to do CEO things. If you want to be seen as an expert – you need to show up like an expert. Those thoughts matter. They will get you there.
How you see yourself is how others will see you. So start seeing yourself in the way you want to be seen. Of course – you cannot control other people’s actual thoughts and opinions – but you can influence them by the way you believe, feel and act. And – when you believe it – it will feel so good to you – what others might believe or perceive won’t phase you – at least not much.
What do you think?
Do you have any limiting perceptions of yourself?
Links
Episode 9: The Magic of Mindset
Episode 10: Thought Work, Top 10 Tips
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