Episode 26: Leaders Have Feelings Too
Feelings - We All Have Them
So why is “not appropriate” to show some feelings in the workplace - especially as a leader? Let’s talk about it!
Enjoy!
Listen Here:
(The notes below are only a brief summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email request to: angie@angie-robinson.com. We’d be happy to provide that!)
Feelings. Emotions. We all have them. It is part of being human.
I was watching the original Top Gun with my family recently. It struck me how - mere days after Goose dies, Viper (the head of the Top Gun program) tells Maverick that he needs to “let it go”. What!? It’s only been a few days - he clearly has not processed his emotions - and he is supposed to let it go and hop back into life - business as usual? I know it’s just a movie…but it is very reflective of the socialized messaging - - just move on. Don’t feel.
So why am I talking about this in a leadership podcast? Because I’m all about the fact that we are a whole person. And that - at least in my time – there has been a stigma in the workplace around some emotions not belonging in the business setting (maybe it’s not there anymore – maybe you don’t experience it - that would be wonderful!).
Do you recall The Model? Check out the show notes from Episode 9 to see the visual. Reminder of the Model. The Feeling line (the “f” line) is an important part of that model. Our feelings are generated by a thought - and they actually drive our actions or inactions. Yet, it’s pretty easy to just gloss right over the feeling line.
I believe that acknowledging and processing emotion is actually a skill – a life skill and a leadership skill.
Let’s talk about feelings:
Feelings are vibrations in the body. They start in the brain. Feelings are caused by what we think. You might think they are caused my circumstances and are involuntary – but they are actually caused by a thought.
There are more than “happy” or “sad” or “good” and “bad” feelings
All humans have them.
Life is 50/50 - we need to experience the uncomfortable feelings in order to experience the comfortable ones.
When we don’t acknowledge and process feelings….they don’t go away. They will show themselves at some point!
In general – we aren’t taught to feel our emotions. As kids - we get messages like: “Big boys don’t cry.” “Man up”. “Don’t cry”. “It’s okay”.
If you do show emotions – you may have been labeled as a “softy” or a “cry baby” or “too sensitive’ or “over emotional” - all of which have a negative connotation and all of which carries along with us through our life.
Why do we do this? So WE don’t have to feel uncomfortable. So WE can feel better.
In the workplace – it’s can be exasperated. Because emotions (in particular the uncomfortable ones) aren’t ‘appropriate” in a business setting. In a leadership role – you might be labeled as weak. As if crying has anything to do with your ability to be a leader. Or if you disagree with something and it upsets you – that makes you bad at your job. Or maybe something is going on outside of work that is impacting you….but the expectation is to “leave it at the door”.
Even the ‘positive’ feelings can be problematic! If you are really happy or excited - you could be perceived as “too much” and “unprofessional.”
Caveat: I’m not saying that there aren’t situations charged by emotion that made lead the need for action to be taken, such as enraged outbursts that create an unsafe environment, etc.
There are three things we tend to do with the uncomfortable emotions when we don’t process them:
Resist, react or avoid.
Why am I telling you all of this?
For awareness. To check-in with yourself on what you do with your feelings. Do you resist or avoid? And how does that impact how you show up as a leader? How does it impact your relationships with your team? How does it impact your productivity. Your results. Your own engagement? Do you have some work to do there?
To think about how you can bust through some of the stigmas. To believe that we are a whole person – emotions and all – in and outside of work. We can’t just “check it at the door” and be our best selves. We can acknowledge and manage – but we can’t turn them off. And it doesn’t make you weak or bad at what you do. It makes you human.
To model this for your employees. Again – to acknowledge that they are human too. Show that you care.
To give you permission. To not be apologetic. To allow yourself to offer yourself grace.
Creating a culture of mental and emotional well-being is so important. This includes recognizing that feelings are a part of the whole person. This type of culture will lead to higher engagement and greater results.
Some of you probably do this really well. But some of you probably believe the narrative that we’ve been socialized to believe – that it’s easier to escape emotions – because we will be ‘labeled’ otherwise. Let’s work to bust through the stigma.
Links
Episode 9: The Magic of Mindset (where we talk about The Model)
Join the Community
Join leaders just like yourself who are looking to increase their leadership confidence and positively impact the world around them. Click here: The Practically Perfect Leader Community
Please leave a review in Apple Podcasts + share with a friend
It will help others find the podcast - the more leaders we can impact - the better our workplaces and lives will be!
Schedule a FREE Consult
Click here to schedule some time - let’s talk about how we can work together through one-on-one coaching, Insights Discovery workshops or other leadership development work!