Episode 55: Your Relationship with Comparison
To Serve or Not to Serve
How is that comparison working for you? Let’s get into it.
Enjoy!
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(The notes below are only a brief summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email request to: angie@angie-robinson.com. We’d be happy to provide that!)
Have you ever looked at another person and thought something like “they are so much more successful than me” or “I wish I could look that her” or “It would be nice if I could make the kind of money he makes.”
How does it make you feel to think a thought like that? If you’re anything like me – not great.
Those thoughts, those sentences are what we call “comparison”. What is your relationship with comparison? Is it something that is unhelpful to you - or is it actually something that serves you?
Let’s first look at the dictionary definition:
COMPARISON: a consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.
That sounds pretty harmless, right? So why does ‘comparison’ tend to get so much air time? There are books and TedTalks and articles written about the ‘comparison trap’. Doesn’t that sound a little unpleasant? Who likes to be trapped?
Here is why comparison has a negative spin to it: because of the THOUGHTS we have about comparison. It’s the thoughts that we have about the thing or the person we are comparing to that either serves us or doesn’t serve us.
I can tell you – the majority of the time – we use the act of comparison against us.
It is a common topic in the coaching I do - and I have zero judgement about that! It’s how our brains operate. We see something or hear something….and we have a judgement and/or a thought about it.
To me – it’s not about ‘putting the blinders on’ and trying to gloss over it. Just like with most things – when we bring awareness to comparison – we can actually learn how to train our brain, adopt useful thoughts and either neutralize comparison or use it in a way that actually works for us
Comparison might sound like:
I wish I was
I wish I could
They are better than me in some way
They are winning and I am losing.
The way you know if that thought is serving you or not is by how you feel. Will that feeling drive you to do something to create something that serves you in your life – or will that feeling drive you to do something that doesn’t serve you?
Here are some ways that comparison can be unhelpful:
It could create buffering behaviors – overspending to keep up, overworking out, overeating (self sabotage).
Minimizes your own expertise.
You may tear others down - which is really you tearing yourself down.
It takes a toll on our mental wellbeing. We actually feel worse about ourselves.
When you think someone is better than you, you block your own magnificence.
If you’re using yourself to discourage yourself or to hate on other people – you’re actually creating more disappointment in your life – not in their life.
It can actually stop you from going after your goals.
However, comparison can actually be helpful:
It gives you an opportunity to examine your own beliefs and uncovering limiting beliefs.
It actually can motivate you if you let it. It might uncover an area that you want to improve in.
It can help you see what is possible.
Here are some things you can do with comparison:
Ignite Curiosity: Take notice when you have thoughts around comparison and be on to yourself. Don’t judge yourself for it - but use it as an opportunity to understand your own mind. Then ask yourself some questions, like: “what am I making it mean about me?” or “what might I be missing?”
Ignite Compassion: You can do this for yourself and others. Remember - life is 50/50. This is true for both you AND others.
Ignite Celebration: Celebrate yourself and others. Highlight and celebrate what you do have, what you have done, etc. Celebrate other people! Wouldn’t we be a much better human race if we celebrate each other instead of cut them down? When you appreciate other people’s awesomeness – it’s easier to see it and acknowledge of it in yourself.
You get to decide. Do you want to let comparison demotivate you and become less of the person you aim to be - or do you want to see it as way to see what is available to you and to motivate?
What do you think?
Does comparison get in your way?
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