EP170: FOPO - The Hidden Inner Critic Holding You Back
ASSUMING WHAT OTHERS WILL THINK IS DANGEROUS
Giving power to the fear of other people’s opinions will hold you back…time to take control!
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(The notes below are only a brief bullet point summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email request to: angie@angie-robinson.com. We’d be happy to provide that!)
Have you ever held back from saying what you really think—maybe in a meeting, a conversation, or even a social post—because you worried about how it would land? Or avoided going after an opportunity because you assumed others might think you're too much, ungrateful, or not capable?
That hesitation? That pullback?
It could be the work of FOPO—the Fear of Other People’s Opinions.
Meet the Inner Critic
We all have an inner critic—that internal voice that second-guesses, critiques, and tries to keep us small. It’s that part of our brain trying to keep us “safe” from discomfort, embarrassment, failure, or judgment.
The inner critic comes in many forms. Some of the most common include:
Imposter Syndrome – “I’m not good enough. I don’t belong.”
People-Pleasing – “I can’t let anyone down.”
Perfectionism – “If it’s not flawless, it’s a failure.”
Overthinking – “What if I get this wrong?”
Comparison – “Everyone else is ahead of me.”
Should-ing – “You should’ve done more. You’re not enough.”
And then there’s FOPO: “What will they think of me?”
These internal blockers all have slightly different tones, but at their core, they’re rooted in fear—especially the fear of being judged, rejected, or misunderstood.
FOPO: A Sneaky Form of Self-Sabotage
FOPO isn’t always loud. It doesn’t announce itself. Instead, it operates quietly in the background, guiding your choices in subtle but powerful ways.
Coined by high-performance psychologist Dr. Michael Gervais, FOPO is the fear of imagined judgment. It shows up when we let assumptions about others’ opinions drive our behavior. And often, those assumptions aren't even grounded in reality.
FOPO might sound like:
“What if they think I’m too much?”
“What if they don’t like my leadership style?”
“What if they think I’m not qualified?”
And it can lead to:
Watering down your message
Not sharing an idea
Avoiding risk
Over-explaining decisions
Seeking approval before acting
FOPO vs. Imposter Syndrome
These two inner critics often overlap but aren’t the same.
Imposter Syndrome is internal: “I don’t deserve to be here.”
FOPO is external: “What will they think of me?”
You can experience both, and they often blend together. But FOPO is especially reactive to perceived social judgment—even when that judgment hasn’t happened or isn’t real.
How FOPO Shows Up in Leadership
As a leader, FOPO can be particularly paralyzing. It might show up in ways like:
Avoiding honest feedback conversations because you're afraid of how they’ll be received
Trying to lead in a way that pleases everyone (spoiler: it’s impossible)
Holding back your voice because you’re unsure how others will perceive it
Needing outside validation before making a decision you already know is right
All of this comes at a cost—your authenticity, your clarity, your impact.
What Else Could Be True?
Here’s one of my favorite reflection questions:
“What else could be true?”
If your inner voice says, “They’ll think I’m too much,” what else might be true?
They might actually appreciate your honesty.
They might not have an opinion at all.
They might admire your boldness.
And another:
“What would I do if other people’s opinions didn’t matter so much?”
Let that question reveal your true, unfiltered path forward.
Let Them Have Their Own Brains
You can’t control other people’s thoughts—and it’s exhausting to try. You can influence how others perceive you through your actions and presence, but ultimately, people get to have their own thoughts.
Let them.
You get to decide how you want to show up. You get to decide what’s worth saying, doing, or creating—even if someone else doesn’t agree.
It’s Okay to Care—But Don’t Let It Control You
Sometimes when we talk about FOPO, people respond with, “I don’t care what anyone thinks.” But I caution against that blanket mindset. Caring is human. It helps us stay connected, open, and empathetic.
You can care and still stand in your truth.
You can listen and still lead with clarity.
Caring doesn’t mean pleasing everyone. It means showing up fully—and not letting fear of judgment dilute your voice.
So What Can You Do About FOPO?
Like all inner critics, FOPO thrives in silence. Once you recognize it, you can take back control. Here’s how:
1. Elevate Your Awareness
Notice when FOPO shows up. Journaling, reflection, or talking things through can bring these patterns to light.
2. Release Judgment
You’re not broken—you’re just human. Don’t beat yourself up for having these thoughts. Acknowledge them and keep moving forward.
3. Decide Who’s in Control
You get to choose if FOPO drives the car—or just rides in the backseat.
4. Stop Trying to Get in Other People’s Heads
You can’t control what others think. So stop trying to predict or manage it. Focus on your actions and integrity.
5. Respond to What’s Real
React only to the facts in front of you—not imagined opinions.
FOPO Is Normal—But It Doesn’t Have to Lead
We all experience FOPO. But it doesn’t have to be the one calling the shots.
Begin to build the muscle to quiet this inner critic. And when you do? You make space for the version of you the world actually needs: honest, clear, bold, and real.
What Do You Think?
Where does FOPO show up for you? What one small action have you been avoiding because of it?
Links
Episode 23: Who Do I Think I Am (aka Imposter Syndrome)
Episode 55: Your Relationship with Comparison
Episode 120: Are You a People-Pleaser?
Episode 122: Navigating Perfectionism in Leadership
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