EP107: Five Ways to Get Out of Your Own Way
THE OBSTACLES
There are a lot of things that can get in our way of making progress. Often - the obstacles are of our own doing!
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(The notes below are only a brief summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email request to: angie@angie-robinson.com. We’d be happy to provide that!)
Often times, the things that are getting in our way from reaching our goals are barriers that we put up ourselves….sometimes without even knowing it.
We can learn how to get out of our own way.
Let’s start by defining what “getting out of your own way” means:
a process of overcoming self-imposed obstacles, limitations and behaviors that hinder your own personal or professional progress. It involves recognizing and addressing the mental and emotional barriers that we oftentimes can create for ourselves. Those barriers are the things that prevent us from either making progress on our goals or achieving your goals or realizing what our full potential is.
I realize that there are other things that can get in our way for making progress. Things that are external from us. But what I want to talk about today are the things that get in our way that we self-impose.
When we can understand what those self-imposed barriers are and figure out how to overcome them…that is where the true magic is. That's where we're going to see success.
Of course, these five ways to get out of your own way can apply to any area of your life, in addition to leadership and entrepreneurs. There is overlap between the five of them. And even though there are more than five, I am addressing the ones that I believe are most impactful for getting out of your own way.
Five Ways to Get Out of Your Own Way
1) Be clear on what you want and who you want to be
Getting out of your own way, involves setting achievable and realistic goals that align with your capabilities and resources. AND - challenge yourself to go a bit beyond realistic. Be open to the possibilities. We want to be able to stretch our brains beyond realistic because sometimes realistic can be safe and safe doesn't always get us to where we want to go.
You also want to be clear on who you want to be. Who is the version of you at the end when you get the results and what do you need to do now to become that person? Part of that is understanding and loving who you are today and leveraging the strengths that you have while also changing the things that are not working in your favor.
2) Understand and avoid procrastination and make decisions.
Procrastination is to be slow or late about doing something that should be done. It is when you delay the activity itself. Procrastination can be a pretty significant obstacle to achieving your goals. Getting out of your own way involves overcoming that tendency to delay the tasks and taking those practical steps toward progress.
But to me, it's more than just taking steps in order to not be procrastinating. I think you really need to understand the why. Why is the procrastination happening in the first place? It might be that you truly don't like doing whatever this thing is. But usually there's something a little bit deeper. It might be thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I don't believe I actually can make progress” or “I don't believe I will reach this goal that I'm going for.”" It's worth the time to understand what the root of the procrastination is.
If it truly is because you don't like doing the thing, then you might need to just be on to yourself and do it anyway.
I coupled this point around procrastination with making decisions. Not making decisions, being indecisive or having a fear for making the wrong decision can stop you in your tracks. Getting out of your own way means developing that ability to make informed decisions and take the calculated risks, even when you don't want to. First thing is this: don't settle for “I don't know”. Our brain loves to indulge in the “I don’t know”, but that will not help to bring you forward.
Also - make decisions ahead of time. When you can make decisions from a very logical, non-emotional space - the decisions are more sound. If we make decisions in the moment, our lizard brain will kick in and those emotions might detract us or derail us from what it is that we actually want to do.
Ask yourself some really good questions when you are making decisions. For example:
What am I afraid of in making this decision?
What worries me in making this decision?
What are all of the possibilities when I make this decision?
What good might come of that decision?
What could be happening in three months if I made this decision?
Am I willing to miss out on [this new position] or [this new project]?
What a failure is really no big deal? What if I'm either winning or I'm learning what I do at then?
What would my future self tell me do? What decision would they be encouraging me to make?
3) Watch out for perfectionism and people pleasing.
Perfectionism is striving for flawlessness and setting really high standards for your own performance, usually accompanied with the tendency for being overly critical on yourself. I am not a fan of “perfect”. We all are going to have our own standards and our own definition for perfect. So perfectionism can get in the way and it can be paralyzing. It's important to recognize that mistakes are actually a part of the learning process. Getting out of your own way, involves accepting those imperfections and those failures.
Now again, I like to go a little bit deeper. Think about why perfectionism is there anyway. Who are you trying to be perfect for? Are you looking for some external validation to make you feel like you're doing a good enough job? If so, there is some work to be done there.
Also, examine what your own standards are. What does A+ work really look like? And can you shift what those standards are for yourself? Can you do something more along B- work?
The second part of this is watch out for people pleasing. People who are “people pleasers” typically tend to resonate with that identity strongly. Having a people pleaser-type personality typically means that you are a person that feels a strong urge to please others, even at your own expense. You might feel that your own wants and needs don't actually matter because you are so focused on the needs of others. And honestly, it might come from a really good place, but at the root there's typically something there. It might be a fear of rejection or wanting to be liked, which might be underpinned with a belief that you're not good enough.
People pleasers typically truly do care for others and their experience, but it's at the expense of your own, and that is something that can get in your way. I promise you, you are never going to be able to please everyone. You're never going to be able to have everyone like you, and if that's what you're striving for, if that is what you need to happen before you're able to move forward, moving forward isn't going to happen. It will keep you stuck.
4) Watch your thoughts.
Everything in ways 1-3 does involve watching your thoughts. Watching what your brain is doing is a constant. This is truly where the magic lies. Watch the all or nothing thinking. Be aware of imposter syndrome thoughts, so you can learn how to quiet and manage them. Listen for the unhelpful words that you might use, like “I can't”, “I shouldn't”, etc. Ask powerful questions like “what else could be true?”.
Those unhelpful thoughts and that self criticism can really undermine your confidence. Getting out of your own way includes being aware of what those thoughts are and making intentional moves to reframe those thoughts.
5) Get help and support.
Don't be scared to do this. Some people might hesitate to seek help or to collaborate with others because they have this desire to really control every aspect. Other people might be reluctant to get help and ask for support because they don't want to be a burden or a bother on others. Getting out of your own way involves recognizing the value in collaboration, seeking support, asking for help and having another person's perspective.
There are people in your network that you can reach out to. It might be a peer, a coworker, a family member, a spouse, a community member, a friend, a mentor or a coach. What can really help is when somebody else can help you see your own brain and challenge your thinking. This can be one of the biggest keys to actually overcome those self-imposed barriers.
What Do You Think?
What self-imposed barriers get in your way??
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