The Magic of Curiosity
original recording: July 12, 2021 (below is a transcription of the video)
Welcome to the Coaching Moment Conversation!
The first topic I did was on the Magic of Self-Awareness. And so, this is the second one. We're doing the Magic of Curiosity.
OK, so again, my name is Angie Robinson and I am a leadership coach. I am a life coach, and I am a leadership development consultant. That is what I do. I have spent over 20 years in leadership and human resources leadership roles in corporate America. I’ve worked in small companies and big companies. And three years ago, I started my own consulting practice where I have been doing mostly consulting around organizational development and now I have moved into more of coaching and leadership development workshops.
I do a lot of workshops for teams as well as one on one coaching and also life coaching outside of the workplace. And I love it. I love it so much that I wanted to bring to, I guess, the masses, a little bit of coaching magic, because I think everybody everyone should have a coach. I love being a coach. I love being coached. And so through this Coaching Moment Conversation, I can bring some concepts that I bring to coaching to you.
Hopefully you can benefit from it as well or bring it to your own teams (if you're in a role that you could do that) as well. So I started with the Magic of Self-Awareness because I truly, truly believe that self-awareness is the foundation for really everything. Again, whether you're in a leadership role or not doesn't really matter. It’s for every human being. The human experience is so much greater when self-awareness is a healthy part of it.
So much so that I really believe in this little concept that I've come up with. Self-awareness is pixie dust for making the most of our lives, all of our lives, every part of our lives. Yes, I'm using pixie dust. I am a huge Disney fan, if you can tell - there's some in the background. And I always own that about myself because it's just part of who I am for so many different reasons.
I do believe that self-awareness is pixie dust for making the most of our lives. Like I said, I did do the first one on the Magic of Self-Awareness. If you have not seen that Coaching Moment Conversation, I do encourage you to go watch that. It was about a half an hour long that just kind of talks about the foundation and the whys and the what of self-awareness. If you are here live today, feel free to comment and chat with me.
Even if you're watching the replay, feel free to give comments and share your thoughts and questions. And I'll certainly be checking that as well. So just a little refresher on what I talked about in the first one: I see self-awareness in three areas, three buckets. I won't go through those. You can see those on the previous video, but the areas are psychological preferences, strengths and weaknesses that we have inherently and then our experiences and beliefs.
And when you put all those things together, that forms our unique self. So you are unique. Curiosity is a skill that is, I guess, underneath or embraced by all of those areas.
What is curiosity?
Let's just look at the simple definition: a strong desire to know or learn something. An interest leading to inquiry. Pretty simple when you think about it. I believe it is a game changing skill.
I put in the intro that it's a leadership skill and a life skill. I do a lot of work with leaders and so that's why I call that out. So, you know, people who have that kind of manager role in an organization would be considered a leader. I'm sure you could all think of other ways to define leader. And if you want to pop those in, I'd love to see that, too. There are so many ways that you can apply the role of a leader out there in our lives.
But oftentimes, you hear about what makes a great leader and there are things like, you know, delegation and strong communication and can cast a vision, can give direction and is inspiring. All super important things for sure that make up a leader, but one thing you don't hear that often for an attribute or skill is curiosity. I think it makes so much of the difference, but it is also a life skill. So, it's not just for leaders per se - it is for everybody.
Curiosity can make a huge difference if it's cultivated and practiced as a skill. So that's what we're going to talk about a little bit more here. It’s always important to say that it always, always, always starts with yourself. Everything that we do, we need to look inward and apply to ourselves before we can most effectively look outward and apply with others. I always, always, always start with self.
I say this to everybody - all my coaching clients and the leaders I work with, from emerging leader up to CEOs. I think if you start internally and then work outward, it can make such a difference.
When we talk about curiosity, why does it matter?
Why do you think curiosity matters?
You may have never actually thought about it before. You might think, “I don't know, I've never even thought about curiosity being a thing”. But think about it - get in that headspace and tell me why do you think it matters? I can tell you a few of my thoughts as to why it matters whenever there's a situation or a problem.
It could be something that we're stuck on - “I'm not sure where to go next”. Something that went really well and we want to understand why. Everything that we have that's in front of us, we want to make sure that we are addressing the right way, with the right things. And so, if we don't ask questions or get curious about it, we may never really know what the right thing to address is. When we're addressing the right thing, then we can actually solve the problem. Or, you know, make the next move “the right way”. And I'm putting right in quotations because it's really not about right or wrong.
Jonathan (from the comments) says that it broadens our perspective. Absolutely. That is one of the biggest things, right? We walk into any situation or anything and our minds immediately make a snap judgment. That's what our brains are wired to do. And so with that snap judgment, we can either turn away or just make some ideas in our own heads about what's going on.
But if we don't get curious, we will never see that other perspective. Right? And so, by being curious, it kind of forces us in a way, in a good way, to broaden that perspective and see things differently. We also can, with curiosity, go beneath the surface. I'm sure you've probably seen the iceberg analogy before where, you know, we see an iceberg and the part that's outside of the water is just a little tip. And that's all we can see. We can see what it's made out of. We can see if there's any birds landing on it. That's what we see. But underneath the water, we can't see. And that's where the bulk of the iceberg is going to be, right? Until we dive down and take a look at that, we're never going to know what that iceberg is about, how much is left, how deep down does it actually go and all the things.
And so, by being curious, we can dive down and we can see the rest of the iceberg – it’s super important. You know, people are complex. We are very complex beings. We all have our own experiences, our own emotions, our own strengths. All the things. We’re very, very complex. And if we don't get curious, we will only take things at that snap judgment like we talked about before. So, we don't want to make assumptions. And getting curious allows us to move away from assumptions and into more, I guess, reality (in a sense).
So, when we do that, people feel seen, they feel heard, they feel valued. And when people feel those things, they're much more engaged. So, if you are in a work environment, you are, for example, in a leadership role or even in a work team where you have peers. Test it out, see what it's like when you start to get curious and you start to see people feeling valued or engaged and you'll start to see people be more productive and more effective and those types of things.
Think about your own situation again. Maybe it's a marriage or a situation with a friend or group at work. Do you know somebody that has really mastered the skill of being curious and how does that make you feel? And on the flip side, do you work with somebody or close to somebody who doesn't seem to have a lot of interest in you? How does that make you feel? It always starts with self, too.
So, the more that we're willing to dig deep about ourselves and cultivate some curiosity so we can really enhance our self-awareness, the more engaged we will be in our own lives and more interested in what we have going on, quite frankly. And so, again, important in all areas.
The other thing with curiosity is that creativity is sparked when we start to ask questions and we start to dig a little deeper. All of a sudden, we start to think of things that we've never, ever thought of before.
And sorry for the Disney reference, but that's where the magic can happen, right? That's where creativity has sparked new ideas. New things happen. And then obviously, meaningful connection with others. So, all of those things result in meaningful connection, which, again, is super important.
Meaningful connection to yourself, to the people you work with, to the organization that you work with, to your family, to your community, to all the areas of your life.
All right. So with everything, however, sometimes there can be barriers.
What might be some reasons that curiosity is hard? What might get in the way of being curious?
If you have any thoughts on that, you can pop those in the comments. There's probably more, but I see three big things that I have experienced myself or, as I've worked with leaders and teams and groups, that often comes up as barriers or things that can get in the way.
The first one (I think you can guess) is time. And those of you who have been through some of my workshops before, you know that we always talk about time because, especially in teams and as a leader, it’s always a thing. There's not enough time to get everything done, right? If you are a parent, you are probably saying the same thing, especially as school schedules and sports schedules and all these things are happening.
There's just not enough time to get everything done. This can apply to getting curious as well because it does take time. No, it doesn't take a lot of time. I'm here to tell you, but it does take time because it might take a little bit of extra thinking. They'll be responses to the questions which can lead down other paths.
That is kind of another one of the barriers is fear of the answer. If I get curious, I don't know that I want to know what the answer is.
Again, applying this to yourself and to others, you know, we might get a little nervous. Well, if I ask the question like “how are you?”, I don't know that I actually want to know because I have a sense that maybe it's not good and that's going to open up a can of worms. What do I do with that can of worms? That's just going to take more time, right? So sometimes that is something that gets in the way - not wanting to know the answer.
The other thing I see as a barrier is the fear of losing control. So the more we uncover, the more information we get, the less that I might have control of the situation. Again, this can apply to yourself as well. If I'm asking questions about myself, about a situation I might not want know the answer. And you know what? I have things under control right now. And if I find out there's something else going on there that I just don't want to address, like this old family issue I had or my fear of putting myself out there. “I don't want to deal with that. I have it all under control right now. What I'm doing is just fine. If I get some answers, I might lose control. And that makes me uncomfortable.”
So those are kind of the things that might get in the way of being curious. Again, when you peel it all back and you look at curiosity, it feels like a pretty simple concept. But really, it might actually be something that people get nervous about doing it.
So how can we cultivate it?
There are a few ways that I will pop up here, feel free to share any of that I might miss or that you think of.
Keen Observation.
I'm saying keen observation because it's more than just, again, kind of glancing and seeing somebody's facial expression and making assumptions. There's always more. So, it's really observing. It's really taking a minute to watch body language, to look at signals that someone might be giving, to notice when somebody has energy and notice when someone doesn't have energy. Observe what's going on during that time. Ask why might they have energy or not have energy? It's just really observing a little bit deeper versus just a quick pass by, if that makes sense.
Ask Questions.
Asking questions is probably pretty obvious, right? Curiosity equals inquiry. Inquiry is asking questions. Very obvious, but there's a little bit of an art to it as well. So simply asking questions might not get you all the deets, all the information, right? I learned this at some leadership workshop years and years ago. I don't even remember where it was. It was when I was a beginning leader somewhere. And the thought was to ask three questions deep.
Here's kind of a simple example. I ask somebody, “How are you?”
This is a pretty typical question that people ask, right? How often is “good” the answer? Do you think that's probably all there is? Maybe, but maybe not. So then it's asking another question. “Why are you good?” Tell me what's so good right now and then you'll get an answer: “Well, you know, I mean, the kids are doing really well. I'm really loving my job right now.” “That's awesome. What do you love about it?”
Then you ask another question. My example I'm giving you is where someone is really excited or happy. It's the same thing if you're a leader and you're saying “how's your day going?” “It's all right.” “What does that mean? Is there anything I can do to help?” “Well, you know, I had a conversation with Bob over in the next cube, and he really kind of made me mad because he said I'm not getting him the things he needs. “ (or whatever the situation is). “Oh, well, what exactly did he say? And let's see if we can figure it out.”
So, it's asking deeper questions instead of just taking the “I'm all right” and walking away at face value, asking more questions to get down to the bottom of the iceberg.
Listen Actively.
So, you may have heard this before as well, but listening and listening in an active way are two different things.
What happens when you are in a conversation with someone and you're just listening? What happens to you? Because like most humans, what happens is your brain starts to think about how you're going to respond. What am I going to say next, what am I making for dinner? We're going all over the place in our heads. That is not active listening. Active listening is actually locking in with the other person and hearing what they're saying while turning off the rest of the chatter in your brain. You're locked in and hearing what they're saying.
You're taking in all the information so you know how to respond next. What really matters? What kind of questions can I ask further? Because if we let the chatter in our brains take over, we're completely missing what they're saying. And that has a whole slew of repercussions.
Again, applying that to yourself to active listening with yourself. I write about this a lot in some of my posts about listening to that little voice. And it's super, super easy. You probably know what I mean, right? The little voice, the Jiminy Cricket, let your conscience be your guide. It's pretty easy to quiet that little voice. We all have it, whether you know it or not, but it's easy to get distracted and to keep doing what we're doing. Active listening would mean taking some time to actually listen to what that little voice inside is saying. So, it’s really important.
Challenge Your Own Thoughts.
That's really some of the inward work and that's where you are asking yourself the questions like, you know this just happened or I just saw this - “what am I making that mean?”.
One of my absolute favorite questions, I think it's gold, is: what am I making it mean? That can open up all kinds of answers and new perspectives and new thoughts and new ideas.
And that can open up all kinds of things so that you can even dig deeper. So challenging your own thoughts and asking what am I making it mean? Why do I think this way? What has happened or what is my experience or my belief that is kind of pushing me to think this way and asking - what's another way to look at it? What's a different perspective? If someone else was in the room with me, how might they be thinking about this?
Challenging your own thoughts is huge, huge, huge and a really, really good way to cultivate curiosity.
And then, finally, work with the coach.
Maybe it's a shameless plug. I don't know. I think having a coach is amazing because it is an objective person to help you see your brain, help you manage your mind. When we're in our own head space, in our own heads, we have so many of our own thoughts going on. It's really, really helpful to have somebody who is objective, to be able to see things differently or ask challenging questions and manage your own mind.
So those are some ways, I believe, that you can cultivate curiosity. What about you? Do you have any other things that you have thought of, ways that you can cultivate curiosity? If so, shout them out. I'm always loving to learn and hear other ideas. I do not have all the answers for sure. These are the things I've heard and I've seen it that I experienced myself, that have worked. But if you have others, I would love to hear them.
A final thought here is that I believe that curiosity is really the key to unlocking connection to yourself, to others. Unlocking compassion, (which is another topic I'll do a whole segment on one day and I have a blog post about it too) because compassion is a whole other game changing skill or characteristic as well, and then also to unlocking creativity, which can open up a whole new world of great things and ways to move forward, new paths, new ideas. It's amazing. Curiosity really is like a muscle. The more we use the muscle, the more we're going to strengthen them. But if we don't use the muscle, it starts to erode and things get really complacent. Curiosity is the same way.
The more that you use it, the more that you cultivate it, the more that you practice it, the stronger you will be with it and the more natural it will become.
So that is the topic for this Coaching Moment Conversation. Hopefully you learned something that you can apply to yourself, you can bring to a team if you are in a leadership role. And again, that doesn't just mean a manager of an organization. If you're a parent or whatever it is, you can probably grab something from this and apply it as you are working with others as well.
I'd love to connect. You can follow me on Instagram and Facebook, of course, and LinkedIn. I would love to connect with you at all of those places. I do post regularly on the socials and I'd love to talk with you there. If you go to my website, you can schedule a free 30 minute consultation to talk about any of my services. I would love to do that as well. And or maybe you want to just try coaching out. There is a place on my website where you can book a 45-minute discovery coaching call. It's kind of a one time thing to see what is this coaching thing all about and is it something that I want to pursue? And finally, on my website, there is a free guide. It's the 10 Impactful Coaching Questions for Yourself and for Others. Feel free to run over to my website and grab that free download as well. If you have any other questions or thoughts, just pop them in. I love to be connected and thanks so much for joining.
We'll talk to you later!